The Girls Guide to Date A Man, Your Man, or THEE Man

So first off, when I started this blog I declared this would not be a sappy single girl blog, nor would I try and make it about my dating life... (Thank goodness I didn't attempt that 'cause there would be NO blog!)

However, the past 2 years I have taken a different initiative towards dating. After becoming single after a 4 and 1/2 year relationship I watch how the average Mormon girl went on dates... and it was the same thing, different guy.

A lot of us females were/ still are living in a Disney fairytale and waiting for the guy to do the work to win our hearts. Now although it's charming when they do, I have a different idea about it all, which some may not agree with, some say they agree with but don't do it, and 1% of y'all are actually with me and do live by it.

Here is my outlook... I believe everything is 50/50. (For example, if I want my future spouse to be a worthy man and someone who reads his scriptures daily then I better be a worthy woman and read my scriptures daily. No hypocrisy, got it?) If you want equality in the relationship then show it in the dating process. Meaning, he shouldn't be the one asking you out all the time, he shouldn't be coming up with aaalll the activities and meal plans, etc. Although some guys can do all this, wouldn't it be a nice curve ball to send their way if you planned a date once in awhile? How much more attractive would you be?! ;)

I have felt bad for the pressure the male population gets to ask a girl out, make the first move, pick up on our confusing hints, plan the date, etc.! They, like us females, are just as nervous, and probably dislike doing it sooo often.

So... PUT THE BALL IN YOUR COURT!

And here is my challenge and date ideas for you!

1. NO HEAD GAMES! Being vague is cute when you're in high school, and trying to see if he is psychic is a waste of time. If you're wanting to hang out, ASK! If you want your door open, SAY! If you're waiting for him to call/text you first you'll be waiting... and waiting. DO IT!... Stop the eye cues and silent treatments. 

2. NO TEXT OVERLOAD! Oh my heavens I am guilty of this too! I think some of us females love to talk, so we therefore think so does the male population! haha

You need to leave mystery. Don't include every detail of your day unless asked, cause truthfully, sometimes it's too much. Make it seem like you have a life (even if you don't!) besides texting him. 

3. YOU'RE NOT EXCLUSIVE! And lastly, just because the date went great and he seemed interested DOES NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT mean you are now exclusively seeing him. If I have learned anything about guys, (and trust me, I have grown up with 3 males and been around my dad's basketball team for the past 15 years), it's that they do a fabulous job of keeping their female relationships separate and not letting you know they could possibly be talking to someone else as well. So if they are going to enjoy the dating field, so should YOU!

Now that may not be the reason to you came to read this, but I wanted the next part to be used for only those who were going to use these dates and be SUCCESSFUL. Which means the top 3 things above cannot happen while using my date ideas. haha :)

Date Ideas & More!!!!

(Disclaimer** The key to success is preparation, ask him out properly, creativity, and preparation!)

KEY:      

I've done this  idea and it's been great!

Haven't used it so don't know it's success!

1. Roll the die!

      On this date my friend said it was a lot of fun, and super creative! So I'm sure yours will too. 

For this date you will need to prepare two different outcomes for a dinner, an activity, a movie, and dessert. Here is a pic of how I asked him out!

I did... Dinner: Go out to eat (with a resturaunt already chosen) OR go back to your place and make a meal together (with the dinner meal already chosen)

Example: I had a restaurant in mind, so if he rolled an odd number we went out to eat, if he rolled an even we went to my place and made dinner.

Activity: play glow in the dark mini golf inside OR go out to the top of mountain and hit glow in the dark gold balls off there!

Movie: Stay in and watch a movie OR go out and watch a movie. (Note I had movies in mind for both outcomes!)

Dessert: Something warm (like pie) OR something cold (like ice cream)

2. Let's Tee Off?!

For this one I didn't go on a date cause it was an awkward fail, but the approach and idea was successful. I knew he was a golf fan from asking around and little comments he made, so I got a bag of old golf balls, wrote a letter on each ball individually, and together made a message. The message was "Hey _ _ _ _! Let's tee off? -Brit (505) 888-8888" I put all the balls in a bag, delivered it to his house on the door, with a his name on the bag, ding-dong ditched, and let him unscramble the message.... 

I definitely got a call back! ;)

And if things didn't go south the date was to go golfing and have him "show me the ropes". haha

3. Hot Chocolate in July?

So when conversing with a guy and he happens to be sarcastic I like to play off such things, and remember things he says. For instance, it was the July and this guy told me how he wanted a cup of hot chocolate. I thought it was bizarre, and he was actually being a goofball about it. So knowing that he was joking but wanting to make a cute move I decided to buy him a cup of hot chocolate at the nearest gas station and tied it up with a ribbon and bow, attaching a note that said "To: _ _ _ _ _ From: Brit". I then took it over to his house, left it on the front step, rang the door bell, and left!

That was it! 

An hour latter he came over with that cup of hot chocolate, drinking it, and asked me to a date that weekend.

4. Backwoods Girl!
So I love the outdoors, ESPECIALLY in summertime. I also love romance and a pick-up truck. I have always wanted to combine the two. So plan an evening date! You need a pick-up, blankets, pillows, and some type of easy dinner to eat outdoors. (If you are like me and want a quiet, fun, intimate evening, I would bring fishing poles, bait, and a bag and pocket knife incase y'all do catch something!)
My preference would be to fish together before sundown, and when the sun starts to set, set up the back of the pick-up truck as a massive lounging area. Eat dinner there and just have a relaxing evening under the stars!... **(Better yet! If you or your date like to shoot gun and have access you could replace that for fishing.) *** (If you have time to properly ask him out you can get a stick, string, and draw and cut out a fish and attach it to the string and stick to make it look like a fishing pole. Write on the fish this youtube link, with a question mark on the other side, and have him guess what the date is!)... Cute right?!

5. Movie and Dinner!
I am not a fan in a first, second, or third date being dinner and a movie. First off, because it's cliche and doesn't take much effort to plan. Secondly, it's hard to get to know each other during a movie. So this date idea is for those who already know each other and want something a little different yet relaxing.
This is another outdoorsy good weather kind of date. For this one I did it in my back yard with a guy who I had dated before, so it wasn't awkward. haha Lay a big, nice comfy blanket on the grass. I bought some cute glass lanterns  of different colors at the Dollar Tree, along with some LED candles for them. I set up the lanterns with the candles in them so that it made a zig-zagish run way from the back door to the blanket on the lawn. I also prepared a homemade dinner. (I cooked a dish of mine that was his favorite and made a dessert.) Be mindful of what he likes and prepare the meal around him! After everything was set up I went and picked him up. (It's cute if you do! ;) haha) When we got back we had dinner on the blanket and watched our favorite movie on my laptop.
Although the date my sound cheesy, it's a different take on the typical dinner and a movie date, and the guy will appreciate that you went all out and even put an intimate twist on it! :)

6. Bingo!
For this date I got a little more creative. I asked the guy out by making my own bingo card. In each spot I wrote a word that completed the message to asking him out. The words went in order, and after I wrote a word in each slot I covered each spot individually with a little piece of paper and on those papers put numbers. (So it looked like a bingo sheet). I left the sheet with him and told him not to uncover them until I gave him the order in which to uncover them. Throughout the day I texted him things like B7 or N3. He would then uncover the message little by little... He said yes to the date. :)
NOW! On the date we played a bingo scavenger hunt against another couple. We had different tasks on the card we had to complete before the other couple but we had to document it, and like in bingo we had to get 4 in a row to win! :)

7. Breaking the Ice!
So I started talking to a guy and wanted to make a move, and "break the ice". I got a sticky note and wrote "I just wanted us to "Break the Ice" :) Brittany". I put the not in a sandwich ziploc bag and sealed it well. I then placed the bag into an empty 2 liter coke bottle I had. I took off the coke wrapper and filled the bottle with water to the top and closed it tight. I then put it in the freezer to freeze. After it was frozen I attached a bow and delivered it to him and left him to retrieve the note. He thought it was really funny, and it definitely broke the ice ;)

8. Glow in the Dark Games!
For this one you need 10 empty plastic, clear water bottles. (Like the ones that come in packs at walmart or sam's club). You will also need glow sticks. Crack the glow sticks right before the date and place them in the water bottles and fill with water. (These are your pins!) Get a small ball. (Something like a dodgeball or sort). Use it was your bowling ball. Go to a park or somewhere where you'd like to bowl and do it in the dark. Once your done bowling and having a friendly competition, you can switch over to the next night activity. Get kites and bring glow in the dark paint and anything else you may need to put on the paint or activate it (i.e. brushes or a flash light!). Sit down, talk, paint you kites. and when ready take them for a good soar! It's be cool to see the glow in dark just waving in the sky! :)

9. Childhood Fun!
This one brings out your inner kid and playful side. I love this type of date cause it makes you feel young and you can have cool childhood memory conversations along with it. For the date your dinner will be your favorite cereal. The activity is childhood games. Chutes and Ladders, Hungry Hippo, Kerplunk, Connect Four, Battelship, etc.! It's a light hearted evening and focused on pure fun!

Lastly... all these dates can be altered and changed specifically for the guy you are planning it for. And they should be! Make him feel like a king and he will treat you like a QUEEN! Isn't that what we secretly all want! ;) haha 

But most importantly always be yourself! 

Your date can be awesome, but it's you he should be geared towards.

Have fun ladies, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Long Time No Blog!

My goodness gracious y'all! It has been months since I have wrote on here.

(False, I have a few draft blogs, all of which could be considered hate mail I never thought I should send. haha)

But this blog is not the case. More of the new me and where I am in life.

My last blog was in April and that month was... well... the beginning of an EMOTIONAL roller coaster! And more poor roommates, best friends, and family had to go through it with me. But what troopers and supports they were.

I have suffered from anxiety attacks and depression since my first year of college. However, me being so fabulously "Darnell stubborn", I chose to ignore the problem. But in April after having an EXTREMELY difficult winter semester up at BYU-Idaho, I decided to go to the doctor and get checked out. I got the treatment I needed in April but things still seemed to spiral downward...and fast!

But I learned some things during this time that have definitely helped me grow...
Things I learned:
1. Ex's should stay ex's... FOREVER! ...when will I EVER learn?!
2. I give out second, third, fourth... chances like they're candy.
          (Although I am quick to forgive at times, I am not quick to    learn apparently?!)   ... c'mon Brit?!
3. You can learn a lot while taking care of a 15 year old girl for 1.5 months!   ... AKA BIRTH CONTROL!!! haha jk ;P
4. And summer time is my favorite!

Summer came and although the plan was to finish up school (finally!) at BYU-I,  I decided not to. And with that I thought I'd transfer back home and try a new step at life...

And here has been my outcome...

I feel 200% better!!! I feel like my 17 year old self. I'm back to my outgoing, creative, clean freak, go-getter, witty, spontaneous, HAPPY self!

Being home has been such a blessing. My family is amazing and so helpful and concerned for my well being, yet they give me the space to do what I want to do with my life. (Heavenly Father blessed me so greatly!)

I'm back to being active and running and much more full of life. It makes being around me actually enjoyable... or so I've been told... (Although I've always thought I've been a blast, even when depressed ;) haha)

But to sum it up, I am great! And although this blog is EXTREMELY boring, I've had a fair amount of people ask about my lack of blogging and what's going on.. (Guess people actually read these things! ;) haha)

Sincerely Confused... again!

I feel like it's been awhile since I've blogged... I also feel like I may simply be doing this to avoid the final I have to study for, nonetheless... Here we go again!

Truth #1:
   I feel like I am at a major crossroads in my life. And it freaks me the FREAK OUT! All I can think is something that Robert D. Hales said in his book Return (which is a great book if you have time to spare to read!), and what he said in there was that this time in our life it is called the "Decade of Decision". The decisions we make now are the major ones, like school, career choice, marriage, etc!...... I would just like to declare I am a woman and CANNOT make up my mind! I change my outfit before leaving the house about 2-3 times. When asked where I want to eat I say "I don't know". The only decisions I can make are those ones that are already programmed into me.

Mint oreo blizzard.

Pizza.

80 degrees!

The Office.
and

Basketball.

Other than those.... I am clueless!

Truth #2:

   I actually always have an idea of where I'd like to eat... Us girls do! We just don't want to make the decision. So we give the BS of "I don't know"/ "I don't care" / "I'm not picky"

This is crap we feed you and I actually have no idea why!.... yeah still thinking... no idea why we do this?! 

Truth #3:

   I have recently been watching WAAAYYY too many anti-romantic movies and because of it I am not a cynic, but rather I have no motivation to try. And for those who know me, know I love planning and coming up with great dates. I feel like we put way too much pressure on the male population to make all the moves. And we as females could be more forward and stop dropping hints, and rather just come out and say what's going on in our heads.

Mean what you say & say what you mean

However... I feel like this past semester I have made one too many "first moves", taken the initiative on many opportunities and yet here I am... blogging!

I had the thought that maybe I could change the "game" and just stop beating around the bush and playing head games. I even flat out professed my feelings to one guy! And look where I am... blogging! 

But I'm starting to think the guys say they don't like the "games", but secretly they are eating that crap up... So my white flag is up... I surrender. Better yet I am pulling myself out of the game for awhile.

....maybe I am a cynic... haha

Truth #4:

   I am terrified to move back home... I am terrified that I will be just as lost as I am here.... This goes back to Truth #1... I just have NO idea what to do. Nor am I getting any answers on what to do from 'the man upstairs'. And I know that's an answer within itself... Perhaps I need to make a move and He will inform me on whether or not it was the right move... But one thing I am certain about... SOMETHING needs to change!

Truth #5:

                            I HATE SCHOOL.

                                       (need I elaborate?)

I am now realizing I sound like a negative-nancy...

        Probably an indication I should go back to studying....

Until the next occasion of rants! :) haha

Buzz Kill...

My title for this has nothing to deal with drinking, but rather the fact the Luke Bryan's song Buzz Kill, set off something in me today. It explained feelings I've had for the past 2 weeks, and I need to get it off my chest. 

Sometimes being strong, holding out, and putting a smile on just becomes a little tough. And today is kind of one of those days. It's rare. And I'm sure when I wake up tomorrow I will be just fine. But at the moment I feel just a bit weak. 

I had a great opportunity to email my cousin this week and talk about past relationships. He was trying to describe some feelings he had, and couldn't. So I explained how I feel, and have felt, for a year and a half now...

I have lost my best friend. I don't miss the PDA, the hugs or kisses. I didn't and don't need the affection to feel secure, but I missed having that one person who didn't judge and listened, and cared, and met me half way. Who told me I was in the wrong at times, but helped me become better. It was a friendship that when I felt family just didn't understand, they were there when I needed to cry and just scream at the world for a moment. And I was there for them in the same way.... 

I have done a wonderful job of being mad, hurt, and hiding all negativity and feelings toward that person. I became numb basically and it affected all potential growth for someone new. And recently I have come in contact with this person via-email. And although its been months since a word has been spoken, they still have the same affect on me. It kills. They can get me mad instantly, like flipping on a light switch, or I can't stop laughing with certain memories or inside jokes that are brought up. 

And what hurts the most out of all of this is wondering... 
Will I ever have another best friend like this?

Now, I have plenty of girlfriends and family that tell me I am better off and why do I dwell on this?... But what I realized this weekend was none of them have experienced this type of bond and friendship and in no way can relate or give advice for this situation... 

I guess my point is, I know I am fueling my own fire for destruction. But I'd rather feel pain at this time than feel nothing I guess....

These songs kind of sum it up, in a beautiful rhythmic way haha
Anyways.... I'm done.

Mama's Broken Heart 
Buzz Kill

Childhood Memories

So this past weekend I sat down and went through a lot of my family photos I had stored on my computer. It automatically made me miss home. Secondly, it made me realize how blessed I was/am to have the family I do. Heavenly Father definitely knew I was meant to be in this bunch of great spirits.

I just want to reflect and and look back on those great memories and open my families doors, into our crazy, upbeat, chaotic, loving life.



Disney FANATICS!!!
    So in my immediate and mom's side of the family one of the greatest and most cherished traditions I have had is going on MANY family vacations to Disneyland! It is literally one of my second homes. I can give a personal tour guide and my little brother, Ty, even has tested me on where certain attractions are in the park and ranking of rides, and what to do and what not to do. (Although you really should experience it all!)
    These family vacations hold a special place in my heart because even though my family doesn't see eye to eye all the time, and although my parents are separated, it is the place that when we all get together, none of that matters, and we enjoy one another and try making one another happy. (Besides having to wake up each morning at 7:00, while on "vacation")
     It is a place where I want to honeymoon, (just like my parents did), and take my family every chance I get because you can't help but smile while you're there! :)

Camping
     One of the things I hate about my track system for school is missing out on the summer weekend camping trips. My dad's side of the family owns land up in the Jemez mountains. Throughout my childhood we would spend every weekend camping. The brothers (my dad and uncles, plus my aunts and grandma Pat) would all gather and pitch in money and effort into putting together my grandpa Bear's dream... a place where the family could gather, a place where he grew up as a boy, and to build a home (cabin) where everyone could gather and enjoy one another. Me and the other grandkids would build clubhouses, make sled shops (using plywood, skiing down the side of the mountain on the pine needles) running a concession stand, etc. We had the best imaginations and made great use of our time. Our favorite things though were going on our drives in the back of the pick up. Going to many of the same places our father's grew up and spent their time as boys. Going fishing, having races on who could run up the side of the mountain, chasing cows, chasing the dogs who chased the cows, sticking our heads out the sides of the bed of the pick-up truck to try see who could get our faces all muddy-uped (hoping it was mud and not cow poo) haha... I miss it... I want my kids to experience it all! It was rugged and there was tons of love.
                                     

Fourth of July Video Scavenger Hunt

    One of the most memorable 4th of July's I have had is when me and all the cousins were older and instead of doing fireworks (which no longer interested us). So I put together a list of tasks to complete within an hour that needed to be recorded and the team that got as many done within that hour won. Well we broke up in groups, girls vs. boys, and began. But our cool parents decided they wanted in on the fun as well. So before we knew it, all the Darnell's ranging from the smallest to the oldest, were out on the streets of Bernalillo doing silly tasks and making fools of themselves. 

Once the hour was complete our family regrouped, sat in the backyard at G-Pats, and we projected all our findings on the screen outside and watched them together, like a drive-in style movie. It was a 4th of July never to forget!

Girls Camp

    Girls Camp was AMAZING!!!! However, I really didn't get the spiritual outlook I should have got, nor did I complete any of the required tasks. But it is something I hope I can be apart of one day in my ward, and urge my daughter(s) to go to. I met some great girls there, and that's where I broke my stereotype of "good mormon girls". Although good morally, they were certainly crazy and so were the leaders. I loved it! My mom and aunt Sheila had the opportunity to be my leaders for 2 years, and let me tell you, those two are not big on true camping, so having them out there was quite the fun. :)

    But besides having my mom and aunt along for the ride, I also got to be a little crazy, and instead of going to my YCL meeting (I think that's what we were called)... we instead did pranks. For instance... toilet papering our camp directors cabin and gathering all their belongings and putting them in the freezer, having all my stuff (including my bed!) be put on top of my cabin, covering the inside of the morning bell that woke us up soooo early, with menstrual pads so you couldn't hear it (hahaha), staying up waaay too late and crawling across camp with glow sticks, running in and out of other girls cabins and screaming and spraying glow sticks every where, etc. (I am actually surprised no one reprimanded us!) 

    Here I made great connections that helped me make friends within the church, which made my attendance in high school a little easier. I also fell in love with rock climbing here! I don't do it now, but the thrill of being in the outdoors and doing this activity excited me. These times I attended were amazing, unforgettable, and now I can look back and say they even had an impact on me.

Friends

    Heavenly Father definitely blessed my life with amazing friends! In a school where everyone drinks, does drugs, and has lame excuses for their set backs, my friends only made me want to be better and allowed me to grow to my fullest potential, and were some of my biggest supporters. 

Let me name a few things we did as a group:

-Wii parties after basketball/football games (instead of going to the average drinking party)

-Created a domestic violence awareness day

-Skipped a day of school to create a murder scene on my front street, scaring my neighbor haha!

-GNO (Girls Night Out) Dressing up, going to dinner/movie, and jamming out to Ke$ha or whatever hit was on the radio :) 

-We even managed to through one of the best proms with only 4 of us and host a blood drive just because we wanted to! (hahaha like who does that in high school?!?!)

-Created assemblies to bring underage drinking awareness during the month of prom, even having students sign pledges to not drink on the night of prom

-We went ALLLL out for spirit week and with no doubt whether people liked/disliked us, we were noticed!

-We even made our own Senior Ditch day, (going to Krispy Kreme, the Zoo, and Baskin Robins like it was a throwback field trip! haha)

-When we did fight we would sit in a room and we would hash it out. (We were very upfront about our feelings and didn't like the he said/she said crap)

-We had an awesome/ super legit after prom party our senior year which our parents helped put together for us.

-Calling ourselves the "B* Squad" at times because people called us the B word behind our back so we made it our trademark. ;) (We were in high school, self explanatory) 

-We even created chords (like clubs give you) for graduation to honor our accomplishment of staying Best Friends throughout the years. hahaha

-And we joined every club possible just to get a chord for graduating hahahahaha (Why?!)

I mean we had it MADE!!! We covered each others backs (some secrets still unknown to our parents to this day), took down the unjust people (even teachers) of our school, and we managed to stay Best Friends from 8th grade-12th grade. (And for girls that is a HARD thing to do!) We were nerdy, good hearted, ambitious about life, motivated, FUN, sisters. And even though we had our differences, and definite ups and downs, we managed to get over it. 

We were all like the same person. A little stubborn, prideful, ambitious, and go-getters. But one thing I always knew, especially as the years have gone by, is that when I needed a friend, and I hadn't seen or spoken to anyone of them in months, I could give them a call/text/or meet up and things would pick up where we left off. Not a lot of people can do that without it being awkward. But that never has been us. 

man, we were awesome!!

 
 

Gym Life

   Now if one thing you can notice or observe from my family is how me and my brothers grew up at the gym. Because my father has been coaching basketball longer than I have been alive, I have always spent the months of November-March in the gym. Pretty sure my first pair of shoes were Jordan's. I know my first Jersey was a bulls jersey (either Pippen or Jordan). <--- besides the point?! haha

   Well I have spent the time from infancy till my senior year in high school in that gym. And even when I go back home for 3 days or a whole month, there isn't a time that I am not in that gym. Because of it I grew up hearing and knowing Spartan legends and hearing of the glory days of Spartan Alley and the great competition and how Bernalillo was a basketball town and top contender. I learned the importance of hard work and team work in there. A lot of life lessons were taught in there, even family decisions were made in there. It is like my families safe haven. A place we run to, to get a little peace of mind. Seems weird, but we literally were there 12 months out of the year (oh wait! That's every month! ;) haha) 

    When we got bored on summer nights or needed an excuse to not be home my dad would give us the keys and we would just head to the gym to shoot, play ping pong, hide and go seek, or even do interpretive dance (haha inside family joke :) ) 

     One of the great traditions we have, that I'm glad I get to be home for every year, is every Thanksgiving my dad has to go back to the gym after dinner, to prep for his basketball tourney he hosts that weekend. Well, as family we go and help him finish whatever he needs to get done and then as a reward we get to stay and play basketball or volleyball and just mess around. (Kids ranging from kindergarten to the oldest adult). Its something I look forward to every Thanksgiving and love being apart of. 

My family is AMAZING!!!

Well I could think of a billion other things to write, 

but my fingers hurt.... 

Time must be up!

My Conversion...

So this is not like my normal posts. There is no issue, no dilemma in the world of mine I want to share, or random facts/rants about my life. Today, I was just caught up in the beauty all around me that it made me realize the blessings I have daily, and how my testimony has been strengthened.





I did not grow up in the church exactly. My family attended now and then and when we did attend it was only for sacrament. We were on the "in-active" list and the church thought of multiple ways on how to get us to come, and 90% of the idea dealt with sports. haha...




But I always enjoyed attending church. I remember on Sunday's getting ready by myself at the age of 6 or 7 and having my mom iron my dress so I could call my grandma Pat who would pick me up and take me to church with her. On those days I got to attend primary. I was terrified to be around kids who sang of the temple (when I had no idea what that was), and of families being together, (when mine wasn't exactly). But I made a friend during that time, Katie Sheffield, who I thought was this crazy and loud, blond haired girl, and I was the quite odd looking hispanic child. But every time I went I hated being asked if I was visiting or new. It bothered me that the teacher didn't know me or who I was, and that made me feel alone.




At the age of 8 though, I had been going to church with my family and right before I turned 9 that year, I was baptized in August 2000, as the newest member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints... I remember all the feeling I had as after I was baptized, my Grandma Pat spoke, we sang I am a Child of God, and the primary presidency spoke about the new step I was taking in my life. I recall going to Wendy's afterwards to eat, where my great-grandmother Dorothy gave me my first journal... In there I wrote my feelings and what it was like to have the spirit. I remember wanting to do it again 'cause the feeling was so "cool".... To be young and clean and pure, is such a blessing we don't understand that we then start into the hardest phases of our life in middle school/high school and without proper guidance they can become so rapidly unclean, it's scary...


After being baptized I stopped attending church... No missionaries came by to check on us, nor did any of my primary presidency. I still don't understand why to this day, but I'm sure there was a good reason, I hope... Well I started to attend middle school, and I didn't hang out with a bad group, but my life was filled with heartache and torment everyday... I would come home crying on how much I hated life. Girls were mean. And I was the type of girl that did not crave guy attention. I loved acting, and playing sports. But as a middle school aged girl, that just sometimes does not fit the status quo. So from 6th-7th grade I was miserable and because of that, I was not nice, like I wanted to be towards others.... I however, had a desire to be someone I wasn't. Someone good and of worth! I would ask my parents if I could skip basketball practice to attend mutual, (because the times conflicted), but if anyone knows my family, you will know sports are our life! So I was denied the request to attend beehives and mia maids, and was made sure that I attended my practices to uphold my team responsibilities and starting spot. But I still wanted something more... I can recall my 8th grade summer before entering into high school. It was my last year of little league and I looooved playing softball. However we had a tournament on Memorial Day weekend and my team made it to the championship game, which was to be played Sunday afternoon. I remember making the decision right then, that I would be attending church instead (at this point in my life I was kind of attending more often). This decision shocked my family. No one agreed with my choice except my aunt Holly... I felt alone and denied, by my own blood. But I have never once regretted that decision. My team won, and I got to partake of the Sacrament and blessings that day, for keeping the Sabbath day holy...


Now let's fast forward... In high school I did not attend church on Sundays, but I was forced by older friends in the Laurels to attend mutual and Stake Dances... Now I know everyone hates Stake Dances... But this is where my life was changed.... I would be at home, doing homework or listening to music, watching TV, etc. When I would hear a knock on my door. Then I'd hear my mom say "yeah. Come in"... And girls from my ward would come in and demand I get ready to go to the dance with them. This happened several times! Well, one halloween dance I got a random visit from my friends, and was supposed to get a halloween costume on for this dance. So as usual, I put on my go-to outfit... Boston Red Sox player! haha... That night I met someone who had a major impact on my testimony and conversion.


I was so infatuated with this person from the start that I was wanting to be a "good mormon girl" just to be worthy of dating him. So I attended church, and started paying attention. As our relationship became more deep and less shallow and time became longer, he started to attend church with me at my family ward so I would not have to attend alone. I don't think anyone saw that side of him except me. He attend his own ward, then would drive 20 mins just to sit with me, (and literally just sit with me, 'cause we all know I hate PDA, ESPECIALLY in church!) He did this until my family start attending in 2009, with me. I will forever be grateful for his example and kindness in doing such a thing for me...


Through all this time I had different views on the church. First off, if anyone knew me back then, they would know that I was such a feminist! And things like the men only holding the priesthood, mothers staying home to take care of children, etc. was just such a 40's and 50's idea, that I refused to be apart of it! I wanted to attend school in California somewhere and I wanted to be a successful event planner or athletic trainer, and not a stay at home mom! But I was young and did not have an understanding of what the intent was behind it. I also had a hard time with temple marriage and how families could only be together forever through that. My family was not sealed together in the temple so the thought that after my parents or anyone of us left this earth, and would not be bound together for eternity hurt me. To say the least I just had a rough time seeing eye to eye with things because I was such an independent person and very stubborn and set in my ways.... 

But by my end of Junior year, beginning of Senior year in high school I had learned so much about the church and my testimony was growing that I was addicted to the feeling of joy I had from the gospel and wanted to be surrounded by it 24/7. So I applied to BYU and BYU-Idaho.

THIS is where my life starts to change and my conversion comes into play...




I was denied acceptance into BYU and thought life was over. I got the email at 6:00 in the morning before school and was crying so hard my mother let me miss school to mourn the whole day... haha (It's funny now!)... But then I received my acceptance to BYU-Idaho and had a HUGE decision to make... Leave my amazing family and boyfriend for a school 14 hours and 800 miles away... or stay and attend UNM but not attend a church school... I made the rough decision of moving to eastern Idaho. Land of farms, hills, and did I mention farms??? (I literally crossed the Idaho border and asked my parents "are you really going to leave me here?????" It was green farm hills and that was IT!)


But my first semester I met Catherine Hecht and Whitney Cerveny. I immediately thought "these girls are saints!"... I felt unworthy and so low about attending a school with such amazing people. How on earth did I compare?... After short great bonds formed I quickly realized Heavenly Father has a plan and NOTHING is a coincidence! These girls and I had very similar trials that Heavenly Father knew we would need each other to help go through it.


Well my first semester was hell to say the least!... I even left school a week early, moved out of my apartment 2 weeks early, and swore up and down I was NEVER EVER coming back to this place!!! I was set on going back to UNM... Well time came again for my next semester at BYU-Idaho and it was 2 days before classes started. I was planning on driving up with my aunt, uncle, and cousins to Idaho and start school that semester. But I didn't want to. So that night I went to bed with everyone happy I was planning on staying and becoming a Lobo... BUT! I woke up the next morning and had the most awful feeling like I was making a big mistake. I woke up crying because I knew what I HAD to do, but didn't WANT to do it... So I simply told my mom "I'm going back to Rexburg..." She was shocked and sad, but trusted my decision... So we packed all my stuff and loaded the car in 3 hours!! And off we drove!!! (I didn't even say bye to my dad cause he was at work! That's how fast it was!)


That semester.... wow.... I experienced the atonement so strongly and exercised my faith in God and Jesus Christ so much it was crazy! (I will not go into detail or describe events on what happened because the experience is between me and my Heavenly Father)... But I made a decision to put my worldly life on hold during this time, and my family was not happy with this, (most likely because they had not had their true conversion and did not truly understand what I was doing). I disappointed people and altered mine and another's life... But I made my Heavenly Father the most happiest I have ever made him and although I was the saddest, I was also the happiest at this time...


Here I realized that I needed to give up 3 months of my life to refocus on who I was... a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father... I made mistakes and did not live up to the expectations I knew I could achieve. I needed a clean slate and I got it...


Let me give you a peak into my thoughts. I knew I had disappointed my parents and they were sad, but I thought I disappointed my Heavenly Father more because he watched me make every mistake and what I thought was crazy was that I was only one of an infinite amount of children who have made him sad and an infinite amount of people who have allowed Christ to take on this pain for me, because of my sins. I felt ashamed and sad and mixed with so many emotions. I wanted to be one less individual Heavenly Father had to worry about. I wanted him to look at me and smile because He knew I was doing right by him. So I got myself together.


Everything has a purpose. From those you meet and room with, those you date and have heartache with, those you stumble by and give service to you and you service to them. It's all part of a plan and a lesson. Our trials are not meant to sadden us, weaken us, or have us with doubt. 

When I went through my "trial" in my first year in college I recalled upon a quote by Richard G. Scott that said,

 "Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everylasting benefit.” 

     I knew Heavenly Father knew I could handle it. It was going to be difficult and hard. I was told that at one point I would want to give up. But I also knew that it would be worth it, and that if Heavenly Father could give me such an experience he knew I could overcome it and be happy. I also knew He must love me a lot to give me such an experience! haha 'Cause boy was it difficult. But never once did I want to throw in the towel!

      I am eternally grateful and indebted to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. At 21 years of age they have already done so much. And I know much is still in store. And although I made stupid and heart aching mistakes, it was the way in which I gained my testimony. Because of it happening in such a unique way, I have been able to help others, understand them more, not pass judgement, and understand the atonement isn't just for redeeming of sin, but also for comfort we may seek when someone else's sin hurts us.

      I know the experiences I have had will continue to be a reminder to me of where I was, and where I am going. Those experiences/trials will one day help my marriage and family. Until then, they just keep me wanting to fight the great fight. And when things don't seem easy, I know it could be worse. I'm amazed at how far I have come and I am amazed at how the Lord's hand was in my life EVERY step of the way!

      I used to be a lost little girl. Searching for something more, something deep, something to believe in. Now I have found it and want to tell all who are willing to listen!!!!! I want those who are lost, hurt, or afflicted like I was to come unto the fold and partake in this glorious gospel and know there is hope and there is more to this life, and it all has a purpose. 

   

If you've read this far I am amazed! hahaha... My longest post thus far! But I felt it was needed to express and show just a little of me, and my conversion. I just want to close (like any church talk would) haha, with quoting the song that reminds me so much of this time of my life... 

"Because I have been given much, I too must give; Because of thy great bounty, Lord, each day I live. I shall divide my gifts from thee, with every brother that I see who has the need of help from me."

We all have been given much. So much. So in return we should share our experiences whether they be triumphs or failures, so that they might be able to help someone else in return. 

   If anything I hope my lessons and experiences can help someone. If not today I know one day it will. There is a purpose for it all... And we are blessed!

   

Dating Myself

So as time has passed since my last relationship, I have thought about what I've wanted in a guy. Improvements to my ideal future husbands to prevent any damage to my future. Let me give you an example of things I looked for on a date.

Did he open all the doors, including car doors?
   Was he friendly with all he encountered?
       Did he speak of others in an uplifting manner, like a friend should?
          Is he honoring or trying to honor his priesthood covenants?
              Does he respect me, my wishes, and those around him? 

Now these are ones I will keep forever! But here were ones I had, that I realized perhaps hurt me in the dating world...

Big Spoon...
    If we were to cuddle or "spoon", would I be the big or little spoon? No girl wants to be the big spoon! That's just awkward! So height and weight were a requirement. Just had to be bigger than my hispanic curves!

Born, Bred, and Potato Fed!
    So I refused to date anyone from Idaho! Reason being was that I never, (and I still really don't), want to land up living in Idaho. By all means, it is a great state! But I hate not having a big city near by, and the cold is just awful! Bearable... but not desired.

Syncing Ipods
     haha. So this means I was such a brat, that I looked to see if we liked the same music. I just couldn't deal with someone who didn't like country or didn't like my taste in music. I couldn't imagine fighting over what to listen to in the car everyday! Been there. Done that. Didn't want it again!

Wanna Be a Baller!
     I am a huge sports fanatic and dating a guy that was big into sports was a must! And to top it off it had to be sports I liked. Playing basketball, baseball, soccer, and volleyball were my emphasis. But wrestling, tennis, running, just didn't give me the "you're a babe" response I wanted.


What I've Learned....
My personal goals/ideals in a guy were perhaps preventing me from seeing potential suitors that were right there in front of me.

Let's take my life just recently!...
I have known a great guy for about a year now. Has an awesome sense of humor, saw each other often, is always so kind and inclusive, caring, compassionate to all, the list goes on! But he wasn't up to some of my "requirements" that I looked for in a guy. So I never saw him like that.... Until recently. I decided I needed to ease up. (My mother told me I needed to or I'd end up alone haha) So! With that I decided to evaluate how I evaluate guys. And realized I was being quite dramatic and ridiculous!

NOW!

Well, I have quite the predicament on my hands... There is a guy who used to have interest in me, that I put in the "friend zone", that I am now having feelings for. And all I can think is I hope is that it's not too late! And because we have been such great friends I don't know how to approach the "oh hey! I'm ready to give this a shot" conversation! I'm so silly!

I started praying in September of 2011 for Heavenly Father to guide me on what to do. I thought a mission! And figured out that was not in my book. So I prayed, read my scriptures, read conference talks, did all I could. Returned to an ex thinking that maybe I needed to give that a billionth try! haha Realizing that was silly again, I kept praying. Praying EVERY night, (no joke, my friends can testify), that Heavenly Father would protect my future husband, he would honor his covenants, and that I would meet him soon... But NOW I'm realizing maybe he answered my prayers in January 2012 when I met my friend but I was expecting some GRAND entrance of this guy in my life. Not this smooth friendship I developed... Then again maybe that's not it at all... I just don't know. 
For the first time in a long while... I can say I am confused! :/
I have had life planned for the past 6 months, and now I am just a little uncertain...
All I know is that the poor boys who have dated me, were crazy to put up with my crazy nonsense haha! What troopers! :) 

Until next time...

New Year... Same Me!

I have all these ideas running through my head the past month and have not had the patience to sit down and write. I'm lucky if I can get the time to write them in my journal! And I love writing in my journal! But this entry does not have anything but random thoughts and statements to the blogging world that I would love to share!
So let me share my "truths"!

Hispanic Christmas!
    It was a Feliz Navidad en Nuevo Mexico. And one thing I wanted to share even with my white friends was a cool tradition we have.
    Like for example we substitute gravy for mashed potatoes with red chili! Sooo good!

    We also have this tradition called farolitas/luminaria where little paper bags are set up with candles and sand in the bag that light up. They are so cool, and I never realized how unique it was until I lived in Idaho. haha!                                      

Farolitos on the street

Ugly Sweaters... Vans... Nikon D3100 Camera... JB perfume

 

FastGrad Ain't Fast Enough!----->>>

     So this is my first semester on the fast grad program in hope of graduating on time, do to a missed semester and well too many fun ones! haha With that I am going to school year round and have started to plan out my life! Which is by far the most exciting thing I am looking forward to! It goes as follows...

1. Graduate 2014 from BYU-I in Elementary Education

2. Attend a Boston Red Sox game with my brothers!

3. Move to Mesa, Arizona to student teach!!!!!!

4. Once established I want to travel! Travel! Travel! Travel!

5. After that is done, let's say a whooping 24 years of age, I will get right back to school and hope to obtain my Master at ASU.

6. And if I accomplish that and still have the drive I want to go BACK to school and get my BA in business!!!! This being if I am not a mom. (I think it would be a cool thing to do as a single woman!) :)

Deep dark hidden DESIRE....

     I really, really want to work for Disney! Not like, "How many are in your party?" or "You sit here, here, and here" I want to help run the business aspects. I have always loved customer service and making people smile, plus bring new ideas to the table and managing things, and working with kids and families! So what better place to do this than at Disneyland!!! MY FAVORITE PLACE on EARTH!!!! This would be my 'if I were single, and could conquer the world job!' Kind of excited! All this before I'm 30! Bucketlist... CHECK!

For now this is all I have to say.

To let you invade my world!

But there will be more, 'cause there always is!, so hang around. February is just around the corner!